You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
