I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
