Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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