The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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