Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
