I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
