New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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