How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize