Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
