somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
