Well apparently he's into motor boating.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
