why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
