i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i need some magic done to my vagina
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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