"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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