You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
