I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
