He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
