You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize