I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
