A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
