someone threw a dead crab at me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
