his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
