my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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