she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is my gift to your gina
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
