i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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