I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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