i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
