i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just google imaged poop.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The beer is more important than you right now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
