Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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