Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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