Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
