so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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