I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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