dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
