Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Come share oat with me in your robe
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
