So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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