i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
