also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
