I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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