And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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