I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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