what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize