I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
