I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
