you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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