how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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