My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
