I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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