You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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