update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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