Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
