I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
