i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
