What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
