You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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