he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
