OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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