Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
