You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
