someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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