Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
