I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
