Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
