69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
