I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
