first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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