My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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