Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
