listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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