Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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