i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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