i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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