then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
A+ Viking dick
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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