Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
