good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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