I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We need to get me chipped asap
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
